A new beginning
Today “epiphany” carries a range of meanings, including “an intuitive grasp of reality,” “an illuminating discovery, realization, disclosure, or insight,” or simply “a revealing scene or moment.” My definition of an epiphany is “a moment of sudden or great revelation that usually changes you in some way.”
Sometimes life presents us with circumstances that we eventually have to deal with. There is no way around it. No matter how hard we may try to avoid dealing with it ‘that thing’ eventually provides a moment when ‘BOOM’ like a ticking time bomb it goes off! I am one of those people that carries my stress on the inside. Years of working in emergency healthcare I had learned to be calm in the storms raging around me. Recently I found myself in the midst of a situation that I knew needed dealing with. Not dealing with it was making me ill. I needed to step away from an unhealthy relationship that had become toxic and no matter how hard I tried to pretend I could handle it.
It didn’t happen overnight. A series of small seemingly insignificant moments interweaved with some larger significant moments over a period of six months all strung together to reveal something I had prayed as each moment happened would not become a reality. And then there it was that HUGE epiphany. That moment when time stood still and I was faced with what I hoped was not true. My friend, my confidante, someone I once looked up to had crossed the line of healthy boundaries into unhealthy territory one too many times.
The trust had been broken
As I sat there trying to process the experience and behaviour I had been exposed to, I knew full well that I was now going to have to make a decision that would not be well received and as much as it would be my wish to avoid drama, the reality was that based on my reason for making this tough decision I knew the recipient would create unnecessary drama. Their behaviour towards me had become so toxic it was poisoning every area of our relationship. I had to go to a place of acceptance.
The relationship was over.
As the days that followed passed by my revelation was replaced with an all-consuming inner turmoil an overwhelming sense of fear and sadness! So I turned to the one thing I knew brought me peace, the one person I knew settled my soul and would guide me through this unsettled period of decision making. So I began spending time in solitude, letting the stillness wash over me, cleanse my soul and clear my mind.
Peace filled me.
My prayer life became a daily meeting with my maker. I knew I could not control the actions and reactions of others towards me. But the one thing I could control was how I acted and reacted and no matter how others behaved I could remain steadfast, grace-filled and full of faith.
It is never easy when circumstances move beyond our control and we find ourselves at the mercy of others behaviour. Far too often we are led to believe that we are responsible for more than we actually are in relationships. We hang on in there as we don’t want to be seen to fail, so we assume a sense of false responsibility, reasoning with ourselves and others we don’t want to let others down. The healthy truth is we are responsible for our own well being first and if this is in jeopardy then we need to take positive action that will ensure our emotional health is protected.
Together is better.
I am so grateful for the profound wisdom, love and care of my husband of 30 years. And being married it was important I shared the decision-making process with my hubby as it would affect him too. We sought wise counsel together, we reached out to godly people outside of our direct circle of influence, that we knew we could trust to advise us in truth and pray with us. We had a series of meetings over several months to help us understand our thoughts and ensure we were making the right decision, for the right reasons, at the right time. The situation I found myself in also required me to seek safeguarding advice and to see a counsellor for my own well being. Following this process, the final decision became clear, was made easier and we knew it was the right decision. It brought peace to our minds and soothed our souls. We had to step away and replace unhealthy boundaries with healthy ones.